My Thoughts Coming Towards The End of 2015

First let me start this post by offering Gratitude and Thanks for this life. My intention is to share and hopefully help others with these words...

2015 had many ups and downs for me on a personal note. I had a serious reality check in January 2015 which allowed me to take a hard look at my life. What I discovered was I had lost my joy and happiness. I took a hard look at myself and my surroundings and knew it was time for me to stop hiding behind my ton of excuses and begin to LIVE in LOVE. What came from that was an internal and external transformation. I began to put Ashley first for the first time since I was 16 years. It wasn't easy at first. However, little by little, my path began to reveal itself. I forgave myself for neglecting myself to the extent that I lost my joy (and no longer could recognize myself in the mirror). I started to take the energy that I put in all of my external relationships and secular career and transferred that into ME. When that happened, everything inside and outside began to change slowly over time.

Fitness and Nutrition gave me a platform to spearhead my life to heights that I had never dreamed of. I know that sounds corny, but it's my truth. I forgave myself for neglecting my body for so many years. I forgave myself for all of the excuses as to why my life wasn't working for me the way I wanted. Once that happened, it seemed out of no where,  people and situations showed up to support me in positive ways that I never would have thought would happen. I put in the work everyday!!! Every single day, I got up and focused on creating the life I finally wanted to live. Losing weight is a great first goal. That was one of many goals that I had at the time. The biggest goal I set was to to be healthy - both mentally and physically. That perspective allowed me to to reach my weight goals (and exceed them). Now, by US standards a size 14 for a women is a little above average. That was my dress size as of 1/1/2015. However, I didn't want to settle for being an average person. I knew deep down inside that I wasn't living up to my Authentic self. As of today, I have shrunk down to a size 2. That is not to boast or brag. It's not my ego in the way. It's what really happened. That is my truth! I didn't do it alone. Many people helped me along the way. I am so humbled by the love that I received.

I have reached my fitness goals in a healthy way (in my perspective), by eating clean, working out on a consistent basis and keeping my mind focused on becoming the woman I knew deep down inside that I was destined to be.  I am sincerely thankful to all of the people who continue to support and encourage me. I am even thankful to those who have negativity and judgement towards my blessings. When you love yourself enough to  make a commitment to your happiness with mental and physical health, you will start to feel the love, freedom, strength and power that a lot of you probably desire deep down inside.

In 2016, I hope to be able to enter my first bodybuilding competition (and win some hardware:-)). I'm not 100% if I can do it yet, but I will continue to do my very best to see it into fruition. There is no limit as to where this can go with hard work and dedication by staying in love and gratitude. Peace and Blessings to you all! Until 2016.... I'll leave you with this..

The Beginning.....

Me in Palm Springs, CA Aug 2014

The right pic is from March 2015 - I'm wearing a corset

Not even sure where to begin with this. My intention is to share my transformation and fitness journey. Guess I'll just start at the beginning. For most of my life, I've been a relatively skinny girl (skinny fat). Way back when I was in High School, I even tried to gain weight so that my curves would attract love interests. It worked as I met my ex-husband/high school sweetheart during that time. After marriage and kids, I was actually smaller (weight wise - skinny fat) than I had ever been before. Now, let me share that even though I come from an athletic family (brother played sports in high school and/or college and so did my parents), I hated to workout. I was too cute to sweat back then.

Five years later, I was going through a tough time (divorcing) and had some eating issues. That was when I first discovered "Eating My Feelings". It was a crazy time and the pounds packed on. I was suffering from depression and not taking care of the body. I re-entered the workforce during this time. I was working in an office environment, so I sat and typed and talked on the phone 7.5 hours out of the day, 5 days a week. Of course, the office had an abundance of cookies, cakes and brownies that annually came in from clients and we had birthday breakfasts for the employees once a month that consisted of doughnuts and dim sum (we would have fresh fruit as well - but who wants that when you have a doughnut in your face).

Over time, the scale started showing numbers that I hadn't seen since I was 9 months pregnant. With the stress of  job pressures and deadlines and family issues, I ballooned to over 200 lbs. I had gained over 50 lbs in the 7 years working for my employer. I looked into the mirror and didn't recognize who I was anymore. I was no longer in 20's  I was in my 30's now and every diet gimmick I tried would work for a little while, and then I would fall back on my bad eating habits and lack of exercise. Then the weight would increase. Yo-yo dieting is so dangerous.

My poor body and spirit. I was at my lowest point ever.  This was in September 2014. I got up one day and went into my kids old room and took a body pic of myself in the mirror (I don't have a full length mirror in my room). I broke out crying. How did I get to this place, why would I do this to myself. I decided in that moment that I could not go on one more day living in this condition. This was the beginning of my life being changed forever. I shared my weight concerns with my Bestie Jae Nakish, and she told me about this book and cleanse that she had tried. It was the 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse by J.J. Smith.

I did the 10 day cleanse and lost 15 lbs. I was overjoyed!!! So I took a break for a few weeks and tried to get back on the cleanse, but I wasn't as diligent with it this time around. So I didn't see another significant weight loss, more like 5 lbs or so. This was around November/December 2014. The holidays were on us and I totally slacked off and indulged myself in every sweet and savory thing I could consume. New Years was approaching and I was still in a size 14/16. I began researching Plastic Surgery as an option to help me get the body I always wanted in early 2015. I was so unhappy with MYSELF. How did I get this out of shape!!

On my way to work, I saw a Planet Fitness advertisement for $0 down and $15 a month for membership (something like that). The last day of the offer was 5/15/2015. I walked into the gym on 5/13 (with my workout buddy Erica T.) and signed up to meet with a trainer for 5/14. This event changed my ENTIRE LIFE! I meet Janet Springfield, the TRAINER. She was very warm and understanding as I expressed my fitness goals and physical history to her. She was also very knowledgeable about fitness, the body and how to work with my past injuries and concerns. She asked me how serious I was about this, as she would help me if I put in the effort. I declared I wanted it and I would do my best. We just connected instantly. She gave me a strict eating regime and I signed up for the exercise classes and came 5 days a week. I followed the eating program and went from 174 lbs  to 155 lbs from 5/15/2015 to 7/31/2015.

It's amazing how fast the body responds when you're feeding it correctly (I'll share some of my eating program later) and practicing regular exercise. I still have a ways to go for me to achieve my fitness goals. However, I'm motivated and ready for my improved physique.

Taken a couple of days ago

This is the most recent selfie that I've taken. I'm about 150 lbs here. So year-to-date (YTD), I've gone from 208 lbs to 150 lbs. I'm happier that words can even express. This journey continues.....